My Trouble with Friends

I have realized all of a sudden, like a crashing wave upon me, that I am broken hearted. After years of fighting it, I am realizing that I am totally missing having a female friend. I have isolated since leaving college–no one really knew I was Bipolar in college and I haven’t even received the opportunity in the past few years to even begin a friendship with any other woman my age. My friendships have consisted of the ones between my husband and I, as well as with my sister, and superficial relationships with others I identify with online. What I am missing, though, is a real friendship, primarily online or in real life, one in which I can laugh with another girl near my age, talk with her about issues that arise in one’s 20’s, and most importantly, a friend that can accept my Bipolar.

I always had friends–it’s easy to make them while you’re in grade school. In college, though, I was diagnosed with Bipolar and it became increasingly hard to explain my illness, especially during times when I had to be hospitalized or I was too anxiety-ridden to go out. I started to isolate, felt angry and depressed at times and thought I didn’t need friends, and sometimes I just got plain ignored by friends who now had more exciting things to do than hang out with me.

Now, at 24, I literally have zero friends that I can talk to or count on that are in my relative age group. I work at a small business and there aren’t any females my age around. When I go out, it’s with my husband. My husband and I have a friendship with a guy who has a girlfriend, but she doesn’t seem to interested in doing anything with me–she seems quite busy with enough friends already.

I am thinking of trying #TwitterBuddyScheme, or something of that nature, but I am ideally looking for a female friend in the 19-30 age group that has Bipolar or at least is willing to understand Bipolar and sometimes, the difficulties that can come with being a friend of someone who can get depressed and anxious. I am looking for someone who is humorous, likes to talk and have fun, and is willing to build a positive, trusting friendship.

I’m hoping the new year will bring me at least one new friendship that I can truly cherish; not a superficial friendship where I barely talk to the individual and barely know anything about them. I’m looking to make a friend I can count on and that can count on me.

-KAT

 

I want to hear from you… What are your thoughts on my situation? How about your friendships and relationships, how are they going? What do you suggest I do to make lasting friendships, and if you’re Bipolar, do you think it affects your relationships?

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Friends 🙂

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4 thoughts on “My Trouble with Friends

  1. I totally get it! Volunteer, and open yourself up to women of all ages. I ended up connecting with women who are older… they have a maturity and sense of self that I wasn’t finding with my peers… K

  2. I completely understand what you are going through. I, too, miss friendship. I miss girl-talk and the support you get from a female friend. My husband and I have couples that we go out with and I am close with my sister but we don’t live in the same part of the country. I really like one of the girls that is part of our “couples” but I’m afraid to tell her I am bipolar. I can’t have a friendship if the friend-to-be doesn’t know what drives me.

    1. I completely get what you are saying. I have superficial relationships too, but it never amounts to anything. I don’t feel comfortable with like, anyone anymore. I don’t know why. I tell myself I am confident about my bipolar but I don’t know if that’s true, if I can’t open up to anyone.

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